Loving yourself through body changes & aging

A few weeks ago I looked in the mirror when I first got up in the morning and snarkily said to myself “so this is what it has come down to, huh.” mocking (in a funny, “is this really reality” kind-a-way) just how wretched I looked that morning. I couldn’t help but laugh.

I was nursing 3 separate boil-like pimples on my face, plucking off random hairs that now sprout on my chin like whack-a-moles and incredulously peering in the mirror at the eyes of a middle-aged woman. It was replete with the famous “11” wrinkles in between my brows I had always heard about and a sullen, exhausted expression in the eyes looking back at me.  

I think part of why aging happens so slowly is that it gives us a chance to process and accept what is happening.

Personally, I don’t fear an aging face as much as I fear an unrecognizable one.

When it comes down to it, we want to feel familiar with ourselves. It is what can help us feel safe and grounded.  We need familiarity and when we start not recognizing ourselves, it can be less about negative thoughts about your looks and more about existential angst, in my opinion.

Each new sun spot, freckle or gray hair represents an inexorable step forward in the changes our bodies will endure as we age.  This may be about appearance, sure, but it’s also about the melancholy & conflictedness of getting older in general.

So, how do we love ourselves through aging, weight gain/loss, and other unexpected or unwanted changes in our bodies and faces?

Let me preface by saying that I believe that criticizing or mocking people for getting “work” done or plastic surgery is in itself a form of body shaming.  Every person should be able to decide what is the best version of themselves and how to achieve that, even if it means in a way that you’d never consider.  

With that said….should you not have the will, desire or $$ for glow-ups in any way right now, let’s talk about how we can move through the micro-grieving of aging and body changes and still feel empowered, safe and confident in our skin.

• Practice mindfulness.  

  Sit with yourself and notice the places in your body that feel content, alive, vibrant.  Notice where you may be feeling discomfort, pain or where you tend to direct your negative self-talk towards.  Acknowledge all of it and breathe through the thought bubbles that arise. All good relationships are based on trust, communication and respect.  By noticing your breath, and the subtle ways our bodies speak to us, we can slowly begin to build more trust and respect for the incredible vessels we are lucky to have.

• Explore bodies of water.  

  Our bodies feel different in water than on land.  Enjoy the sense of lightness and expansiveness in various pools, oceans, lakes, bathtubs and hot tubs.  Notice the sensual aspect of being in water.  Getting in touch with our different senses, be it smell, sight, touch, can bring us gratitude and awe about the ways we can experience pleasure and comfort in our skin no matter its size or shape or age.

• Do something you absolutely love to do and bring you joy. 

  Horseback riding, improv, pottery, poetry writing.  Whatever. When we can pursue our passions and express ourselves creatively or in a way that feels truly aligned with us, we can move towards balance and be who we are supposed to be irrespective of our exterior packages.  It’s a way of tapping into what lights up our souls which can far transcend our physical bodies.

• Splurge and buy clothing with materials that feel soft, comfortable and/or luxurious.  

  Buy clothing that fits your own particular shape and size, as it is right now.  Don’t pay attention to the size or number on the label.  Don’t get into stories about how you used to fit into x but now you lament that you only fit in y.   I truly understand the grief and the mourning of a certain size or number, but it is just that.  A number.  It's an external, subjective measure that we human beings have ascribed meaning to.  Nothing more, nothing less.  So, go into that store, and buy what feels good on YOUR skin and on your own beautiful body, right now.  

Purchase my best-selling book, the Body Image Blueprint on amazon today for many more strategies and techniques to feel good in your skin, right now.